Comments on: Back To School…end of Summer

By: Carolyn Gibbons

Carolyn Gibbons — Mon, 08 Sep 2014 21:12:13 +0000

Dear Sandy,
This is very lovely. Glad that your doing it. Heard an article on the BBC August 28 about electrical brain stimulation boosts memory. They also talked about writing by hand what your going to do and or have done
helps you remember.

Taking moments away to breath in a different city are good for everyone’s soul.

Love of Hugs…Carolyn

By: Sandy DiMinno

Sandy DiMinno — Wed, 03 Sep 2014 18:22:13 +0000

Paul…Thank you so much for the great input. My heard goes out to you….I know the challenges and the difficulty this type of injury leads to. I hope to visit with you soon.

By: Paul Canez

Paul Canez — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 22:17:17 +0000

Sandy, my second go around so hoping you are able to see this post, I did the math this time! As discussed, I can identify but not directly as only my mother can do that as it relates to my father. My father over 17 years ago had TBI and like in your husband’s case a brain bleed. It robbed him of half of his site, left him weak on the left side, and he was not able to talk well or understand. However, the brain is an amazing piece of work as different connections started to form and things that went were replaced with almost bionic like hearing. I tell you the man can hear a pin drop two rooms away. He tried very hard the first year but was frustrated that this happened to him in the first place. My mother was the same with the feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, pity, and all the emotions in between. She got him even writing (which I still have that letter from 16 years ago) explaining how he loved me, that he was working hard, and that he hoped to get better. Well, then the worst thing that could have happened, happened. He had a seizure and everything he had gained he lost within seconds. At that point he gave up and we all could see it. That was a very hard time as a man who was an engineer, great in math, loved to drive, enjoyed the daily news could do none of those things and refused to work on it ever again. So, another round of anger, sadness, frustration, etc. However, something new came out of it, “swearing.” My father said no more than, “shit” before the stroke and now, he is the Mozart of swearing, which you can imagine can be very embarrassing. Now, here is where as my mother’s children (we were all married and could take care of ourselves at the time) pleaded, begged, prayed, etc. for my mother to either allow someone to come in or put him into a home. She refused and refused and so now all these years later she has become a slave to my father’s every wish, demand, desire, and more. The only saving grace is my sister will get angry with him and tell him he cannot treat her like that. My father was never had any patience before the stroke and now afterwards had literaly none. I cannot even begin to know the big decisions you have to make for your husband and please just know that I share this as a story of what could have been for my mother and father if only my mother had gone ahead and acted early on for a caregiver or a care home. In your case I understand that you may have already made these kind of arrangements and the fact that you went with your daughter to Paris I think is absolutely wonderful. Yes, full of guilt I am sure, but I am so hopeful for you and your young daughter that you will take the time to take time for yourself and have a life. My mother never did and I know it is a sadness that we all share as her children. I look forward to one day speaking with you further about your husband and things you have seen and perhaps I can even offer some insight if similiar situations have arisen with us over the past 17 years. You have a friend here in Tucson and if you ever need to get away please do not hesitate to let me know. Paul

By: Hedy Foster

Hedy Foster — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 23:59:12 +0000

Sandy, I am so glad to see you have this outlet.

I love the point that the feelings you have are only “human”. I know one can have guilt like crazy if you don’t embrace that concept. Who wouldn’t “lose it” once in a while under pressures of this kind. It feels great and you can just laugh it off after its over.

You and Sam are so special. Your calm loving presence is just what Tom needs. Stay strong, leeeeeean on friends, like me. Tell me to bring chardonnay, or pick something up at Target on the way.

I thanked my family after Dave died for “being there” when I called for them. I asked them that should something similar, God forbid, ever happen to them…they reach out too. Often we are hesitant to ask for help. Many hands make light work…and everyone wants to help. So please just ask. ok?

Think of you often. When can I come see you?

Hedy