Walk With Me….

Today I did something that I didn’t think I would be doing this early in my life.  I visited several short and long term memory care facilities.  My goal has always been to make Tom’s life and our life as”normal” and as best as it can be.  I also know that I can’t do it all, 24/7.  It wears you out.  You begin to make poor decisions, you get sick often, tired beyond belief, frustrated, sad , anxious, and grateful for the night time where it is the only time you have to yourself.  I also know that long term care for Tom by myself  is unrealistic and unsustainable.  I have to thank my good friends that spend so much time with me  and  for seeing and knowing that we may have reached our point to make more  short term decisions that allow us all quality time.   They have taking on the task of more research of where to go from here and what is now available.  Thank you Carol for all the time you have invested and the great information.  I know you have learned much also.    You have given me more energy and resources to make some short term and long term decisions.

I need to create an environment for Sam without the stress of the behavioral outbursts, so that she has only the best quality time with Tom.  Also, showing her that there are things that we can do for him that improve his day and that there are people that specialize in helping with creating a day full of meaningful activities.  Activities that help stimulate his brain, his heart and give him activities that make sense for his brain injury.    I am looking for things that help me to respond to the injured person I know, and not to the person he once was.  And, time for me to go back to some serious work, to feel better about myself and to make sure I am as strong and healthy as I can be for our future.  I also want to make sure that I am financially strong to lead this family…as there are many good days ahead, I just know it….as we have been through the roughest and toughest parts these past 4 years.


I walked through several facilities and I have to say, the people I have met are some of the best people in the world to dedicate their time and caring to those in need.  Those that can no longer take care of themselves, whether it be from dementia or from an injury such as Tom’s.  I was focusing on day programs for those that need professional activities that will help keep them from declining in their health and mind.   I found several that seem to keep everyone active and protect their dignity.  They are equipped with some wonderful technology that monitors their movements and keeps them safe from wandering or falls.  Amazing of changes I see even from the last 4 years of looking for resources to help with Tom and learn more about how to care for brain injuries.  I am confident that there are some good places that he will be treated with respect and that offer him an opportunity to get out and be active with appropriate care and activities.


In the end, just as always, my heart was heavy with sadness for what has happened.  The future decisions to be made.  But, I know it will all be for the best for Tom, Sam and myself.  I took Tom out for a walk yesterday, he thanked me for staying with him.