In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.


I have take some time off from writing. It has been busy, with travel, holidays, and working through new medications for Tom.  It is a combination cocktail all the time.  Change one, change another, increase one, decrease another.   Trying to find the right balance.

This Christmas, Sam and I took a trip on a river cruise through Germany. Delightful to see all the Christmas villages and all the decorations. Europe really celebrates the holidays in style. It was an enjoyable trip. It was not without a little drama at home, with a new caregiver and new medication, but we made it through the week and home without too much difficulty.  I highly recommend a small river cruise over a larger cruise ship. Much more intimate.

After our return, we headed up to Los Angeles and the Pacific Palisades for Christmas with Tom’s family. This is the first year that Tom, Sam and I had spent the Christmas holiday with Tom’s family. Besides all the challenges with the accommodations, it was a good time to spend time with his siblings and for Tom to have some nice memories (whatever he can collectively recall) of the holiday’s with his family. Most importantly, was that Anthony had all 6 of his grandchildren by his side this year. He enjoyed it so much. I am so thankful that we all had this time together. Thank you so much to Anthony for arranging the house. Beautiful views, nice space for all and a good time overall.

Tom had a good week, for the most part. A few outbursts, and discontent with being away from what he knew at home….but in the end, I think he had a good time. I think it was also good for all the family to see his daily challenges so they know what the circumstances around his care are. I know they all love him and care for him. I also know how difficult it is to see him this way. I live with it daily. He is my spouse, my best friend, my half of my life…and it is hard for me to see him struggle. I wish I could just be in his life or head for 1 day so I would know more about how to care for him. I do what I can, I do what I know and I do what I have learned…but there are some days, I just wish I could know more, do more and be more to him.   We all get frustrated; we all get tired, we all get crazy over why this is the way it is. But, we all get over it and get back to work, to life and to living. That is all we can do. We don’t have the luxury of waiting for things to get better. They won’t get better…we will only get more used to the situation and the reality of what it is for Tom, for me and for Sam.

This year, we have a lot of our legal challenges behind us,  We have more resources at hand to help us.  We have more caregivers, and more people willing to help us so I feel good about the future.  I will always be grateful for those that take their personal time to help me and Sam.  You won’t be forgotten.  You all know who you are….My brothers and sisters,  Alice, Sharon, Jeff, Kevin, thanks for being there when I need a hand.  Aunts, Uncles, and friends so many I can’t list them all…..Thanks for giving us a hug when we need it and most importantly, thank you for giving Sam the hugs and kisses she needs and misses from her Dad.


After Christmas…we all went back to work, to school, to our lives as they were before. Ours is simply not the same or normal in any way. We live with no memory. We live with the frustration. We live with the chance that something else may happen. We live with trying anything we can do to help make Tom have a good life and for us to have a meaningful relationship with him and a good life too.   We try so hard to make it all normal, but there is no normal for us or for Tom.